yah for me

ok

if anyone is interested...

i didn't go out this weekend

i stayed at home

got drunk

very drunk

shagged a russian backpacker

i did set off for the club

but i was so drunk

i forgot where i was going

ended up circling the block

and standing outside my house

for half an hour

trying to remember where i was going

so yes,

it was only by default i didn't go out

but

i didn't go out

yah for me

For the last time...

so here we are again

its saturday afternoon

the phone calls have started

WHAT ARE WE DOING TONIGHT?

i feel like no one listens to me

i told you all last saturday

i'm not going out any more

last weekend was the last hurrah

thats why we had a big one

i was really clear

the last night out

but no one listens

no one listened when i said it the week before either

nor the week before that

so let me be as clear as i can...

TONIGHT IS THE LAST NIGHT I'M GOING OUT

it's the last one so we should probably make it a biggie...

the truth

i told a lie

i felt so bad about it

that i followed it up with another lie

i don't know if i'm more concerned by the lie or the fact i'm upset about the lie

the thing is...

i always lie

constantly

which is really funny as i'm one of the most brutally honest people i know

people rely on my honest opinion

a lot of times i use the honesty to mask the lie that follows

this time i lied about where i was and who i was with

i wasn't trying to hide anything or cover my tracks

i lied and made up the tracks.

a winding weaving track of storytelling

where i was very vague with facts and figures

to make it seem like i was covering something

i did it so you'd make that face

the expression that you're absolutely useless at covering

and i know you won't call me up on it

because there's no way you'd want to know the details

the details would hurt you

so i won't bother making them up

so in the spirit of honesty

i actually went straight home from your house the other night

it didn't take two hours

and i didn't stop at anyones on the way

i also never kissed anyone on saturday night

but the expression on your face

made me feel like i did.

i wish i had

kissed someone on saturday

but i was out with Miss H...

i feel crappy i lied

i'm sorry

not crappy enough that i'd tell you

or let you read my blog

especially after that other post

i'm sorry

no lie

man

so this is my blog about you

the one that you asked me to write

what do i say

especially knowing that you'll read it

i'm already blocked

like you're standing over me

that other one i wrote

about that guy

it came out so freely because i knew he'd never see it

well...

you asked for it

i think you're a good man

a great man even

but i always felt that you weren't my man

or the right man for me

but maybe thats because i'm a boy

pretending to be very grown up

but a boy none the less

and you need a man

a man you can boss around

and be grumpy at

slam the door and squeal off down the street with a carafe

you need a man who doesn't bruise

look at me hard and my arm blackens

like a little boy

i have tantrums

like a boy

so when you gave me the ultimatum

i hit the deck

punched and kicked the floor

and told you to leave

so you did

but i'm not that vain

to think

the decision was mine

you knew what was right for you

and you did it

i know you did the right thing

even if i'm left here twiddling my thumbs

writing the odd blog 

facebooking

facebooking

i'm glad you're gone

i feel like we're friends now

i think about you unselfishly now

and want the best for you 

like a man