trainerboy

Trainer Boy leaves today.

He came to stay with us for two weeks.

That was two months ago, but no one had the heart to tell him to move on.

Until we told him to move on.

 

I live in a household of three.

Me, my best friend, and her partner…

who has become my other best friend.

 

We live in a love triangle.

Just without anything sleazy or untoward.

These two people have become my rock.

But even a trio of rocks can be one rock too many.

 

So trainerboy came to stay

and he evened out the numbers.

He also picked up after me, got me exercising, got me cooking again, watched twin peaks with me, gave me hugs, filled in for me at work, leant me his car, and acted as a truly true mate.

 

To the point I had to question some of my other ‘so called’ friendships. His presence caused a bit of a rucous and some noses were put well out of joint. But at a time that I needed it he gave me love.

 

On his last night he slept in my bed. He held me tight all night and although it wasn’t the most comfortable of sleeps it was one of the best I’ve had in the house.

 

I wish he could stay. I really do. But as is the case with a vote of three, two will always win. So I begrudgingly go back to the way things were, and wonder who will watch the end of twin peaks with me.

fired up

i was running late for work. 

this is how most of my stories begin. that or, 'we were really drunk'.

Ofcourse the perfect story would be one that started with the two together...

i was really drunk and running late for work

but not today

i was just running really late

when i realised i hadn't blogged for at least a week

and i needed something juicy...

so i stopped at the cafe, job number two. the chef had bought an item from my job number one a few months ago, except he hadn't paid for it, and each time i reminded him about the 'purchase' he fobbed me off.

i was already pissed with him as i had only just got back my favourite jacket which he had 'borrowed' a few months before. 

see earlier blog for details on that fiasco.

anyho...

I reminded him about the purchase he had not yet purchased. He fobbed me off again so i reminded him about the jacket incident, drawing parallels between the two.

he argued with me about it, as he does, kneeding the dough aggressively. i reminded myself not to eat any baked goods from the cafe that day. i didn't need a scone filled with his anger.

lets pretend i'm not a nice person and sometimes i bait people for fun. lets pretend further this was one of those times.

i said to him... this is the problem i had the whole time we 'were' friends.

the hook lodged firmly in his cheek.

what do you mean 'were' friends?

well we're not really friends are we. i thought we were, even though you treat me like shit. but then trainer boy came to stay. and we treat each other like mates, you know...looking out for each other, helping each other, caring about someone else.

The chef turned,"i don't care. I don't care about you. I don't care about you and trainer boy. I don't care about any of you.

I smiled and lowered my voice. He hates it when i do that. So i smiled especially big and lowered my voice especially especially low. " i know. This is what i am saying".

"i'm just embarrassed i was the last one to realize this about you."

the doe was a crumbled mess on the counter as he burrowed his fists through the stainless steel bench top.

And then he erupted.

GET OUT

YOU'RE FIRED

DO NOT COME BACK

YOU ARE NEVER COMING BACK HERE

the other chef tried to hide behind a broom stick.

'fine' i whispered..."when do you think you'll be coming in to pay for that shirt?"

a bowl flew past me and crashed into the wall behind.

i left.

The owner rang me later in the day to make sure i was still coming to work on Thursday.

The chef quit.

shirt unpaid.

blog written.

thankyou

today is my birthday

so happy birthday to me

i struggle with this day each year

each year i remind myself of what i haven't accomplished

but

today

i can't wallow

because

what i do know

despite how i treat myself

is

that

i am loved

i am surrounded by love

today i was blindfolded

and lead on a wild goose chase

and then my blindfold was removed

and i looked into the room

all the people i love were gathered before me

at some ungodly hour

but they were there

because i work a lot

and this was the only time i had available today

and these people made themselves available to me

and i am overwhelmed

because no matter what

i love

and am loved in returned

thankyou

all of you

update...

jacket back

dan left it in club cloakroom

stalker was brett

he did it from his laptop

missing

two months ago you left

you didn't even say goodbye

though

it was two weeks before i noticed

i'm sorry

suddenly i opened my eyes 

and you weren't there

just a space

where you once were

i think its only now that you're gone

that i miss you

i guess thats how missing happens

now i dream about you

i wish i didn't 

but i do

what hurts most

is that you left with him

but he's back

and you're now officially missing

and everytime i see him

all i think of is you

when i ask him

he gets angry

shuts me down

and refuses to talk about you

i've gone a bit crazy

rumours of sightings

and i'm ringing people i don't know

on the off chance they know

but they don't

and i'm here

and you're god knows where

i just wish he'd tell me

but i don't think we're talking at the moment

please come back

so...

if anyone has seen a calibre coat

military cut, three quarter length

black flannel with a brown check pattern

size 1

please

it's missing

big fish

i live in a small town

a fishing village

technically it's a city

but its a town

thirty seven thousand people with small town mentality

one of the great things about this small town

is that you can be a big fish

miss h once told me that a friend of hers told her she is a whale

i don't think the friend should have said it while he was sitting behind her on a bicycle

but i understand what he meant

i feel like that whale

i am an orca

Killer whales are voracious predators. They hunt singly or in groups, feeding on fish, seals and other cetaceans. They are usually found in groups and are commonly seen in Australian waters, and occasionally close inshore. They sometimes strand on the Australian coast.

there's my social circle right there

i worry about us being hunted

but chances are our demise will be our own doing

stranded on some remote beach

5am on a sunday morning

flailing around on the sand

stalker

i've been getting texts from an unknown number

here are the transcripts

my replies are in bold

want some dick today?

?

mum i told you not to call me on this phone

yeah your mum was great, but i want to finish the link with you big boy.

my dick has an 11oclock and a one thirty date so you'll have to fit around that

so i'll meet you at the store?

there in half an hour. my dick is in a meeting til then

that's not what dan said

please wash your hands if you're planning on touching mine after holding his monster cock. nah, just kidding... i hear he's really small.

wanna fuck?

you have no idea who this is do you?

i watched you walk home just now

and i want that zanderobe jacket

k, its sam...i just really want that jacket

i can let you wear it while i fuck you but then its going straight to the drycleaner

what about a quick fuck with saxon too

maybe... bring your wallet. it could be an expensive night for you

no... one for you bitch

i hope you didn't speak to my mum like that

your mum is my trophy

you asleep big boy?

just sitting around waiting for your call. i guess i can go to bed now

night

sleep tight

ok

morning cutie...hope your day fuckin kicks ars. make sure you wear that zanderobe jacket cos i know where you live now... just which bedroom?

hey... just a technical point or two. 1)it's zanerobe not zanderobe 2)i didn't walk home yesterday 3)my room is the upstairs one. come over and i'll give you the tour.

shit

shit indeed. hey, before i post this to facebook... who is this?

the girl of your dreams

that's a nice oxymoron

not as contradictory as you think tuff guy

were you just looking that up on your online dictionary

yes

why the fuck did you put my number on facebook?

was that wrong? remember when i said i was going to put your number on facebook? well then i put it on facebook. would you like me to take it off?

nah it just makes it all the more interesting

by the way... nice top

you don't need to see me to know that info. that's a given... but thanks. It's nique by the way... just so you spell it right.

nice poofter pink... just the way i like em

it pays to advertise

so what are you up to tonight? I'm coming back into town, just been away over the last few days.

i thought you'd already know my schedule...

not quite

(my friend receives two texts from this number asking what he is doing tonight)

i thought you were my stalker. leave dan alone

i'm no stalker...i'm someone from within the circle.